Typical problems will show in different variations in concrete, specific cases. If the parent feels his/her child is behaving in an unexplainable way, if he/she cannot find the voice to talk to the child, if he/she feels that the child is obviously not enjoying the characteristic attributes of his/her childhood existence, it is likely that the...
Anna's Blog - Soulwaves
"Freedom is when I can choose from what and from whom I will depend..." Ákos Fodor
Children do not yet have freedom, and that is not a problem, because they will only be able to appreciate freedom when they have grown up to it. From this point of view, it is very important to walk through each step of personality development. If you miss a step or two, which would be preconditions to becoming a grown-up, it is worth your while to make up for these steps later. Naturally, here I am referring to everyone's own responsibility, as it isn't everybody's goal to become a grownup. Being in a child's status is much more comfortable, and some people can stay in it - ostensibly without facing hardships or consequences.
Let me tell you an example of my own life - no matter how much I can have a view in other people's lives, in truth, I can only judge my own life from a vantage point and say an opinion.
My parents were afflicted by a great trauma before my birth, more exactly, before my conception. That is why - among other things - I chose the occupation of healing. That trauma was the loss of my elder sister Eszter. She was only able to stay with us for six months - she had been born with a disorderly heart function. I was conceived not much after she passed away. The way I have phrased it to myself was that I was born as some sort of recompensation. As a result, my parents divorced and my mother was raising me alone. I had substitute fathers - sometimes I was finding people to fill that role, but naturally, nothing seemed to fulfill that feeling of absence, no matter what an exceptional person and father my father had become in the meantime.
This absence is very relevant and perceivable at the age of early teens. As long as there are no boundaries, solid bars you can grab and shake, your young, developing consciousness cannot relate things to each other and will fly away into the infinite with no set boundaries. Albeit that could be an experience both good and spiritual, it has no weight, thus you will never be rebound from your boundaries and listen to others' feedback. Only later, whe it turns out the whole thing has only existed in your head and nothing has been manifested in your actions. Connecting to the outside world requires the father's power or qualities. Learning to get to know each level, step by step, and build upon those foundations - you learn this from your father. Being strict, having discipline, authority, perseverance and commitment - e.g. towards an occupation or a relationship - all come from your father's strength and from your father's side. If a child integrates that, their development will be harmonious, if not, they can become deviant as they grow up.
Naturally, after a while you cannot cite that as an excuse - life has gone on in the meantime. It is better to realize these deficiencies, no matter how late, and to make up for them in yourself, finding your inner resources and experiencing them deeply, and at times painfully. That's what can clean the wound brought about by the deficiency. Healing of wounds also involves discomfort and a pain of the facing type. For example, when I feel I'm at the same level as my own daughter - I am in a regressed state - and experience my own frustration and my anger from my 15 years of age, and then I finally find an authority I can respect and value, without fully accepting their set of values, and live accordingly. I accept this authority and bow before it with an injured ego and eyes red from crying. I know at depth this is not about who's right - it is about the natural order, the laws of of nature. It's about the nature of consciousness.
Bert Hellinger had a patient struggling with eye symptoms. He said to the patient, "Close your eyes, and say to yourself: "If it's my fate to become blind, I'll accept it.'" (The Man who Wanted to Live for a Thousand Years, p. 97.) That is how the dissolving took place, because the patient let go of his fear, he stopped...
One of the greatest revelations of my life was when I realized that my tiny life was embedded into a greater whole. It is a great gift of humans that we have a strong desire towards Order. We would like to have order inside and around us. But what type of order? As Bert Hellinger simply put it, it is...